Dear Jade…

 

I never met you, held you or looked into your eyes.  I never got to hear your laugh or make you feel better when you were sick. 

I did love you though.  I had imagined you in our lives.  I had pictured our family outings.  I thought of how it would be to do things with you. I chose every piece of clothing with you in mind.  Each thing in your room was chosen with care.  I imagined you playing with the toys we bought.

Unfortunately you are not ours.  I know you will be happy and loved.  I will always think of the possibility of you.  I will always think of how you would have changed our lives.  For now I will just think…..

Changes

 

So my blog has undergone a few changes. 

We’ve changed a few things and even though it is not what it was it isn’t bad at all.  I am quite enjoying doing loads of things myself.

I had to import all my old posts but unfortunately none of the comments came through.  If you were one of the lovelies to leave a comment – sorry

 

Also some of the the links in the old posts might not work anymore.  If you really want to see what it linked to give me a shout and I will try my best to give you the new correct link. 

Who knows what changes are still coming…..

......and Baby makes 3

Willie and I have made some really big decisions lately.

We have decided that we are going to have a baby. We are in the process of adopting and we are very happy and excited about this. We have done the paperwork and everything else that is necessary and now we just have to wait.

Once we made this decision we also realised that we need to start getting things ready. This might not take the “9 months of pregnancy” and we need to be ready for when we “go into labour”. We have bought the cot and pram and car seat. We have a bottle and a dummy. My awesome friend Heidi has bought us a few outfits and some nappies. We have most of the toiletries. We also have a few blankets. So effectively we can bring our baby home any time.

We obviously don’t have everything yet but we have enough for if our baby comes home today. I have made endless lists of things we will need and Willie and I will be going shopping in the next 2 or 3 weeks to shop for the rest.

We are both very excited and obviously hope the wait is not too long. The baby room is ready (and smells like a baby room already) and we are ready. So for now we are “pregnant” and waiting for baby to arrive!!!

We are very excited!!

Spoilt much?

So about 2 weeks ago Hubby and I went furniture shopping. Yes, we are all grown up now and went to buy furniture for the first time. All the furniture we had was either from before or given. It was quite exciting and scary. It was scary to see the prices of certain things and to know that we would have to give that money out.

So we ended up buying a dining room table and chairs. We walked and walked and walked looking at different ones but ended up choosing one of the first ones we looked at. We had the choice of having the assemble it for us but we chose to do it ourselves. The main reason was that we thought we would be able to fit everything in the car if it was not assembled and of course the extra cost. Well, we ended up not fitting it in the car and they delivered it for us. If we had known that we would probably have chosen to have them assemble it for us. Hubby and my dad spent almost the whole afternoon and evening putting it all together. We were exhausted by the time we went to bed way after midnight. This is the dining table with 6 high back leather chairs.

We also decided to change our seating in the small lounge. We had 2 single seater couches in there and they were old and uncomfortable. We were originally looking for a L shaped couch to go in the but the only one we saw and liked was ridiculously expensive. We ended up seeing this and knew it would work perfectly. This way we can sit and lounge comfortably or even choose to lie down and watch tv. It is the size of a single bed but looks like a couch. I love it!!!

We also bought a new bookshelf. Previously our books were on this little shelf maybe a metre wide. When we bought the bookshelf I didn’t think all our books would even half way fill it but I wasn’t worried because we often buy new books. Well what a surprise when our books more than half filled it. Now I realise we actually have a nice collection and still growing.

We also bought a new bed. Bliss. We changed our minds quite a few times about this one. We ended up taking a bed they use in the hospitality industry. It is awesome. It is quite a bit higher than our old bed but when one person moves the other person can’t even feel it. This is great. We were often complaining about sore backs or necks when we woke up in the morning and hopefully this new bed will get rid of all of that. So far it has been great but let’s hope it stays that way.

So thanx Willie for spoiling us with all the new goodies. It looks gorgeous!! I love you.

HS Update: Surgery and HS no more?

Since (finally) being diagnosed with HS a little over a year ago a lot has changed. At the time I was almost in constant pain and was always uncomfortable. Now my life has changed.

Since September/October last year (about 7/8 months into treatment) it seemed that the ‘lumps’ had cleared. I wasn’t getting any new ones and that alone was fantastic for me. The ‘lumps under my arms (armpits) seemed to not be healing though. I wasn’t getting any new ones but the older ones were not healing and were still painful.

So I headed off to my dr and he said there seemed to be no alternative but to have surgery. He had mentioned in the beginning of the treatment that surgery might be necessary but at that point I wasn’t sure what surgery and to be quite honest, I was willing to do anything to get better. I went to see the surgeon and he explained what he wanted to do. One option was to remove all the skin in my armpit and do a skin graft but he wasn’t too happy with that as he wanted to keep as much of my “own” skin as possible. So he opted to remove strips of skin and pull it together. He told me to finish the Roaccutane a week before surgery and booked me in for the end of February.

Once it was time to go into hospital I was quite nervous. I was originally supposed to only have a day procedure and would be home the same day. When I went to do the pre admission forms they thought that I would probably stay the night because of my asthma however when I went in on the day they still said that I would be going home the same day. I was happy thinking I would still be able to sleep in my own bed.

They wheeled me into theatre at about 11.15 and I lay there for a while waiting. They finally came to fetch me and once they told me “sleep well, see you later” I started to panic and immediately had an awful taste in my mouth and feeling wierd. I woke up about 1pm and my first thought was that they had chopped my arms off. They had tucked me in so tightly that I couldn’t move and when I opened my eyes I was in so much pain that I really though my arms were chopped off. I started crying and they gave me morphine almost immediately. They also gave me oxygen. They also removed a lump on the side of my nose and when they put the oxygen mask on it was hurting where they had cut my nose. For some reason it felt like I couldn’t talk so I just kept shaking my head which in turn made them hold the oxygen mask down even tighter. By the time time they were wheeling me back to the day clinic I was finally starting to feel better.

They decided to keep me over night anyway. I am still not sure if it was because of my asthma or if there was another reason but oh well. Off to the ward I went. Luckily both Willie and Heidi were there so they did everything for me. Including getting me into my pajamas and getting me comfortable. By this time I was starving and thirsty as I hadn’t eaten since dinner the night before. I was really looking forward to the pasta I had “ordered” for dinner. I wasn’t feeling 100% and also had pain in tummy but they told me that is from the anesthetic. So when dinner came I was very happy and started eating happily. By the second bite I had this strange feeling and before I could say anything I got sick all over. My food included. Nurses rushed over to help me clean up and took my food away saying that I can’t have anything else to eat. I then proceeded to get sick all over myself again which meant another clothes change. By this time I had to phone Willie to bring me more clothes from home as I was running out. Before he could get there I had to change again. Luckily I also had a few ‘sessions” where I managed to not have to change my clothes.

So the next day I came home and was spoilt rotten. I managed to just sleep as much as I needed. It is quite amazing how much you need your arms for. It was quite uncomfortable and the pain medication made me sleepy. I think that is why I managed to get better so quickly. I think the biggest problem for me was the dressings. I seem to not handle plaster very well and the dressing we used irritated my skin and made little blisters all around the edges. Of course every time we changed it we had to move it up slightly so that it wouldn’t aggrevate the same area all the time. When we then took that dressing off the blisters popped and all the skin pulled with the plaster. We did try a few different ones and managed to find a more material one that was the best out of the lot.

So once the stitches came out it was SO much better. On my right side I had 3 cuts from side to side and on the left only two. On the left side there is a piece he didn’t do and wants to do at a later stage. That piece has not flared up again though so it might even not be necessary. I now have nice little scars running all the way across my arm pits but it is so much better than she scars and pain I had before. It is still a little tender when I stretch too much and the surgeon said the skin will stretch and not pull so much over time.

I am almost too afraid to say it but could it be that the HS is no more??

2009:.better late than never

**I started this post in the beginning of January and yes, I am only finishing and posting it now. Rather late than never I say......**

So another year has come and gone. This year went by so quickly it’s scary. It seems like just yesterday it was the beginning of 2009 but in other ways it seems like so much has happened in just one year. So, just because I have been a bit scarce when it comes to blogging doesn’t mean that that there wasn’t stuff going on in our lives.

2009 started off with us a month into living in our new home. It has been fabulous to have the privacy and space that we didn’t have before

2009 also started off with Willie going into a new job. He started with this company in February and not only is it a fabulous company to work for with a lot of potential but also some added extras. One of those extras is that we were finally able to go onto medical aid. We are not really sick people but it is a great relief knowing that if anything happens to us we can go straight to hospital. Of course saying that, we both ended up getting sick quite often in the year. Hopefully 2010 will bring better health our way too.

The very first visit I had to the Dr was the diagnosis of the HS. He put me on medication for a year. I must admit it hasn’t been pleasant. The side effect of the medicine has had me a bit floored. I think the worst of it all was the skin dryness and sensitivity. I’ve had to stay out of the sun as I would burn within minutes. The dryness had me looking like a crocodile most of the time. Even though I slathered myself in lotion many times a day I was/am always flaky. I think the worst of it all was my lips and nose. My lips crack badly. At the moment I wake up with a bleeding lip every morning. Of course my joints haven’t gotten off lightly. My hips are the worst. It is actually ridiculous how I have to get into the car. On the positive side if the medication works it is worth every single minute of tiredness, aching, dryness and pain. It means that after 15 years I will be pain and lump free. What can be better than that?

In August Willie and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. We were given accommodation vouchers for Christmas by a friend so we decided to use it for our anniversary. We decided to go to Cape Town for 4 days. It was our first holiday together and we were really looking forward to it. We decided to fly down and rent a car while there. We had to pay for our food at the accommodation up front. We had decided to invite Willie’s parents to come and stay at our house for the weekend that we were away. We knew my dad would be here but he pretty much does his own thing and they could all come and go as they pleased. They were here a few days before we left and everything was going so well. We had a really good time and enjoyed spending time with them. We left on the Friday and Willie’s parents took us to the airport. By the time we landed in Cape Town the sparks had started to fly at home. It became a he said she said situation and we were caught in the middle while supposedly being on holiday. By the next morning it had gotten so out of hand that we had to come back home. Of course we couldn’t change our existing flights so we had to buy new ones. So 24 hours after landing in Cape Town we were on a plane heading back home. By the time we landed Willie’s parents had left go back home. We ended up getting a taxi back home. When we got back they had left everything that we had given/bought them. Even the biltong. We don’t have much to give them for everything they have done for and given us. So the few times we can and do it is given with so much. It hurt me so much that that is how they wanted to hurt us. Needless to say I haven’t spoken to them since. So we spent 24 hours in Cape Town and spent our anniversary quietly at home – broke. It was awesome!!

For the December holidays we got the opportunity to be host parents for children from local children’s home. We had: Boy, 12, Girl, 11 and Boy, 9. We were very excited to have the opportunity to do this. It is such an important thing to do. So many of these children have no place to go. They have no one to spend time with and talk to. They don’t have the opportunity to feel like they belong. We very quickly realised that there is very little information about it. Only a hand full of people know that there is an opportunity available to do this. It wasn’t easy; it wasn’t the way we thought it was going to be. We ended having the children for a shorter period than expected. It was harder for us to go from zero kids to 3 preteens. They’ve had bad times and bad influences. They’ve had very little structure and crave so much. It didn’t work out for us but we wish it did. We wish that we had made a difference in their lives. We wish absolutely just the best for them. It is such an important opportunity so if you are interested in trying to make a difference please do. You can contact the social workers or the children homes and they will put you on the right track.

Then it was the end of 2009 and we’ve had a good year with lots to be thankful for. I am sure 2010 will hold many more surprises and good things. Hopefully fewer bad things. I hope to spend another year loving my husband. Another year trying to be a better, stronger person.

HS Update

I recently (read 6 months ago) found out that I had HS. I posted about it here.

I had to go back to the dr last week as I had to get a repeat prescription but also needed him to look at my lumps and decide if he felt the medication is really working. For the last two months or so I have had lumps constantly. I was in pain every day. I was uncomfortable every day. To me it didn’t seem like it was working. I will agree that it has stopped in most of the places that they were coming up but I was still getting them under my arms.

He explained to me that as HS usually starts there it means that that is where the worst of it is. The fact that it has cleared up in some of the other areas is a good sign and that under my arms would probably be the last place it would start to get better. In other words once my arms start healing it means we’re onto a winner. He has decided to keep me on the medication for another 6 months.

I am not sure how I feel about it as the medication is really horrible. My skin is so dry that it peels – all the time. My lips are a nightmare. I need to put vaseline in my nose daily for dryness. I am always tired. My joints feel like they have seized up. I feel 90. I miss enjoying things. I miss being full of energy. Also the medication is very expensive and we’re paying cash for it as 2 months worth has pretty much depleted our medical aid. If it works though it will be so worth it. Except in the last two months I’ve been feeling old and tired and in pain. Hmmmm

He has also decided to put me on quartisone for a month. He thinks that will helps clear up the “infections” that are there now and not healing so that the medication doesn’t have to “fight” so hard and just do it’s job. He has also said that if in 3 months I feel it is still not working then we can relook at it.

The asthma pump that he has put me on 6 months ago though is an absolute winner. Usually during winter time I am the first to get sick and stay sick for about 2 months. It usually goes straight to my chest. I am very pleased to say that I have not been sick. I did have a bit of sniffles but that is about as far as it went. I am so happy. I used to think the I was breathing pretty well on my previous pump but since I’ve been on the Symbicord it feels amazing. I can’t believe I used to think I was breathing well. It is awesome.

So that is pretty much the update as far as the HS is concerned. Let’s hold thumbs that the meds work and I can get back to enjoying life again. Well enjoying it more I should say because my life is pretty darn good. I love my life….just not so much my body right now.